Why must husbands be told to love their wives?

Ephesians 5:33

Why are wives told to fear their husbands?

Ephesians 5:28-33 tells men to love their women as they love their own bodies, to love their wives even as they love themselves. Wives are warned that husbands may be feared. The literal translation of the word phobeō is fear or be afraid. It is the root of our English word phobia. In the King James Bible, phobeō is translated as fear 62 times), be afraid 23 times, be afraid of 5 times, and reverence only once.

With the exception of **Darby, who translated the word faithfully as fear, most other translations follow the misogynistic lead of gender-biased-traditional-scholarship in making an exception for the word In the King James Bible and translate the word as reverence or respect, even though that is not what the word means, and they know it. To make things worse, they toss in a non-existent emphatic commanding wives to see that they respect or reverence husbands.

**Darby translation: But ye also, every one of you, let each so love his own wife as himself; but as to the wife I speak that she may fear the husband.

Ephesians 5:28-33 does not establish gender-based hierarchy. What it establishes is the sad fact that husbands must be told to love their wives and that wives must be warned to fear their husbands. This passage establishes the fact that the prophecy in Genesis 3:16 continues to be fulfilled. It is because of The Fall that husbands are prone to dominate wives. That is not a good thing. It is because of The Fall that husbands must be encouraged to love their wives.

Jesus commanded all of his followers to love one another as HE loves us. That was not a gender-based command. Paul’s reminder to selflessly love one another by preferring one another before ourselves, was not a gender-based admonition. Peter’s reminder to love one another deeply was not a gender-based admonition.

So how is it that husbands needing to be reminded to love their wives is somehow a good thing?

Only gender-biased-theology can transform the fulfillment of a cursed prophecy into a compliment. Ephesians 5:28-33 confirms that husbands will not only have a sinful tendency not to love their wives as Christ loves us but that husbands will be tempted to not love their wives even as much as they love their own selves.

There is no separate set of biblical rules for wives and husbands than for any other Christian. Christ’s commandment for all of his followers to love each other as HE loves us is not a gender-based command, and it is to be taken seriously by every Believer.

So why is it that husbands must be commanded to love their wives? Wives are never commanded to love their husbands. Why is that?

Why is it that husbands are warned that if they mistreat their wives, their prayers will be hindered? Why is it that Paul warned wives that they should be afraid of their husbands?

Gender-biased-theology has transformed and twisted the prophecies in Genesis 3:16, into both blessing (for men) and slander (of women). The prophecy was that men would have a sinful tendency to dominate their women and that women would have a sinful tendency to desire their men more than their Creator.

Complementarianism teaches wives that should the two voices contradict, to ignore the voice of God and follow the voice of their husbands. Complementarianism teaches that women do not have to answer to God if they obey their husbands, even if their husbands lead them into sin.

God does not bless sin, whether it is committed by women or men. And he certainly did not bless the first male for disobeying the only “Thou shalt not,” that he was given in The Garden. Each of the first pair suffered the consequence of their action. The only blessings given in the Genesis three passage were given to the woman, when she was told that her conception would be multiplied (children are blessings and not curses) and that one of her offspring (Messiah) would defeat the serpent.

As for Ephesians 5:28-33, it is not a hierarchical passage confirming gender-based authority of men over women, but rather a reproach on husbands that they even need to be commanded to love their wives in the first place.

Husbands who are living their lives according to the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit, THE COMFORTER, THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH, do not need to be commanded and reminded to **love their wives.

**Remember that faith comes by hearing the Word of God, but it works by love. Prayers are answered based on faith. Husbands cannot dominate and love wives at the same time. The one cancels out the other. Hence, prayers are hindered.

Ephesians 5:28-33 is meant for men and women who have drunk **the complementarian Kool-Aid, and, because of that some husbands have become physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual threats to some wives.

**Many couples who give lip-service to complementarianism either have [or appear to have] happy marriages. Complementarian leaders point to this as proof that their doctrine is scriptural and that their unbiblical model of male governance “works.” What does that prove? When the late Elisabeth Elliot lived among the Auca’s in South America, she observed that, with some couples, polygamy also “worked.” Looking below the surface, it is frequently found that, in practice, happy couples who give lip service to complementarianism aren’t actually complementarian at all. Outside of church activities, they live entirely egalitarian lives. Others, such as Elisabeth Elliot, hide the authoritarianism and unhappiness in their marriages. Elliot was a life-long champion of male governance. Her marriages were all based on the complementarian model of females submitting to males. In her 1966 book, Let Me be a Woman, Elliot admitted to unhappiness in her marriage but refused to admit the reason for it. She advised her daughter that she should expect to cry for no reason, that women simply cry for “no reason.” I submit to you, that no one cries for no reason. Another example is Anna Stanley, who never revealed the unhappiness in her complementarian marriage to famous pastor, Charles Stanley. Her unhappiness was made public when she divorced him in 2000 after 42 years of marriage. Her husband was a wealthy man by the time she divorced him, and since she has remained completely silent on the subject of her marriage, we can only assume that she agreed to a gag settlement in the divorce. No one blames her for that. On the other hand, Charles, during years of what must have been to him, years of marital bliss with a submissive wife, wrote about how well complementarianism “worked” in their marriage. He boasted about utterly humiliating his wife on their honeymoon. Of course, from his perspective it was good leadership on his part and spot-on biblical response on hers. I wrote about the incident in my book.

Thankfully, there are men do not fall for the complementarian siren song of male dominance. Ephesians 5:28-33 is not meant for such men. Likewise, it is not meant for women who are married to such men. These wives need not fear their husbands.

Jocelyn Andersen is the author of several non-fiction books and is currently working on her first novel. She writes and speaks about a variety of topics with an emphasis on the subject of God and Women. Her work in that respect has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and television.